I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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