Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
