I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
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Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
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Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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