I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
