I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
