I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
