He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
