I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
