im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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