It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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