After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
