btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
