Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize