Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
