I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
