Whod you bang
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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