Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just blew my weed a kiss
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
