Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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