I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
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Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
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Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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