Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
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He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
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I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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