Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you would pick up someone in the library
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
