omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
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No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
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tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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