Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
