the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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