It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
