Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
