Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
