Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
there was a trapeze. enough said
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
