i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
