Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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