I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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