he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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