After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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