But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
