I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
