Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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