found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Drake has all the answers
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
