She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
