just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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