it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
