my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
