Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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