I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
