I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
