Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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