i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just had sex on a roof
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
