were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
pop tarts are not kleenex
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
