And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
