Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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