It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
