I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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