Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
