Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
