Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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