So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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