dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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