I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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