How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
