he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
