New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
His nipple licking is glorious
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