i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just google imaged poop.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
