she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Houston, we have a squirter
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
