Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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