I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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