Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
