remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
