took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize