Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
