he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
