So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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