I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
