More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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