drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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