it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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