woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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