I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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