What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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