I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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