Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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