After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
