Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Semen is not good for contacts.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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