I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
