We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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