everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
