Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
